Depressing Chronicles-Part 2

I complain. I whine. I fuss. I'm hypocritical. I'm insane. I'm overweight. I'm neurotic. I'm indecisive. I'm unmotivated. I'm unfocused. This is all in my personal life. I can't lose weight. I don't do any exercise outside of my work. We eat Velveeta out of box and McDonalds.  My significant other says I complain to much about my weight and that if I'm so worried about it then I should do something about it. Well I don't like working out at home because he's there. Plus, when I try working out at home, I'm so exhausted that I fall asleep driving in my car. I can't afford "healthy food" and when I try to eat healthy food, then my husband complains about it because he wants to eat real food and we don't make enough money right now to eat both our kinds of food. So I feel like I can't win and  really what's the point. I don't even remember what it feels like to feel beautiful. I just remember less rejection of myself. I need to find myself and I don't know how. I don't know how to find the motivation to leave the tv shows and the computer.
I'm thinking about after we get back from Christmas on the next shopping spree to plan out healthy little meals just for myself. <----Now when I say this I'm like if you're really going to change Caira you should start right this moment but there's no point. Honestly, no point.