Lost

Who do I want to be and what's stopping me?

A wonderful wife? I struggle with this honestly. I'm a selfish lover. I've come to terms over the years that I'm selfish person. I've tried to change but I don't know I'm being selfish until it's too late. When I try to put everyone first..it's well just plain exhausting so I've just comes to terms with it. I'm selfish. Selfish friend, lover, daughter, and sister. You name it. I'm that. I don't want to satisfy someone's wants if it makes me miserable and apparently that's awful of me. Not only but including my relationship with my husband. Sure in my mind I want to be a wonderful wife but do I really? That's the question I ask. Laziness that is a product of my selfishness is the main culprit here so how do I fix laziness which is another of my long term traits? Just Do It.  All the self help websites, books, and my friends suggest that communicating more with my husband and actually listening and caring what he has to say about his work at the jail, his view on religion, and his view in politics. Unfortunately, after almost a year of living together that these are the only things he actually likes to talk about and I feel inadequate to have any input or comments on these topics. I guess I could actually do a bunch of research on the subjects he like to talk about but isn't that faking it? Which is worse then not talking about it at all? I'm very glad that my husband views these topics as important because it's completely different then what I like to talk about. I just don't know. So I'm going to try to start being more communicative...step one.

A healthier me? Yes, completely throwing myself in to this one. It's easy to fix things that are entirely up to you and your choices. I've been going to the gym and eating better.


A good friend. The only way I know how to do this is to be supportive, honest, and make time for them.

Find my career. I don't think what I'm doing is what I want forever. I really think I want to go back to school to be a teacher but I don't  know if it's actually possible. So work in progress here too.