Blah $

I am feeling so blah today.Every time i get my emotions on right they twirl back around. I just want to sleep but I've got work tomorrow and that's the end of the weekend. Blah. Okay so also, some concerns so i can just get it off my chest and not say it and ruin things that aren't meant to be ruined. So C and I went a looked at a house this afternoon, one that he could buy and we could live off the highway. Anyways, so I feel bad about not being able to contribute to the $$ situation. I know he says it don't matter but I honestly think he's lying to me to make me feel better about it. And don't get me started $$. Oh wait that's what I came on here to complain about anyways. I screwed up with credit cards now I'm in a lot of debt which I quit paying on because I only have $100 left at the end of each paycheck anyways. So i've been getting all this threats in the mail about how there's a lawsuit against me and blah, blah, blah. So that stressed me out. Then there's the current situation of money about how I had to borrow money from C to be able to get tags on my car. Of which i should have saved all the money but I thought I had time and I wanted things and I wanted to spend money like I didn't have only $100 left a paycheck. Then, I've got court in two because I didn't have tags on my car (not because of money) but because I had no title and in AR there's all these rules and to sum it all up...I'm naive and didn't know a damn thing on how to deal with. So i'll have a fine to pay (money again $$) I'm sure of it. So i'm stressing about how i owe all these people for money and i've never done any good for anyone. All i do is keep wanting and wanting. Plus I'm with C but I'm not officially divorced from Z because I can't afford a fucking divorce. Which on top of it all cost more $$$. And C offered to give me the money to take care of it all but I can't fucking do that. Owe 1 person? Why does money have to rule me. Then in the back of my damn mind i'm thinking, "why couldn't you have stayed with THD maybe you would've been an ASM by now and could make enough money to get rid of all my problems. Why DO I HAVE TO WANT THINGS, WHY DO I NEEDS THINGS??? Why can't I control what I want. Like i shouldn't have a got a new truck last year (which someone ran into my yard earlier this year while it was parked, late at night and totaled my truck. So the reason why I had to get a new car and new tags.) OMG. So I've gained happy weight which only leads to why i'm MORE DEPRESSED. And i can't join a gym because of money issues. It's always about money, money, money. FUCK IT. Just take me jail for it and i'll never have to worry about fucking shit again. I can't just remove the stress because i'm so buried deep in the thick of it..there's no way I could shovel.